did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
