Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
