The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
