His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
