I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
