A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
