Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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