She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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