whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
