I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
