I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
