I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
