Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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