hell yes lets make some ravioli
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she peed on how many people?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
