someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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