On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you had me at cake vodka
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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