apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
