Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
