so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
