One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
