i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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