It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
