Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
