Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
