So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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