Whod you bang
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
