I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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