WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
