Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
