where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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