Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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