The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
