she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
