I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
they're like a gay fantastic four
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
