I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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