Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
