Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
