i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
