the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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