im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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