you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How does one acquire holy water?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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