it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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