this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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