When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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