What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
