He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
