This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
