and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
