He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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