I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
