it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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