he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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