i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
