i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
