I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
